somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Terrible idea I love it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
