Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
