To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
