I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
