from now on my penis is your penis
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
