glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
