Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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