Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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