You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
