Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how can u be prego again
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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