is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
