You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
