All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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