Ambien. No doubt about it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
