You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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