Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
