Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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