i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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