After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
