being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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