we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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