I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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