DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
