she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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