I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
