I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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