there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
