Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
