I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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