i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
