A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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