Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
