there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
