shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
