I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
