You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
