Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
