Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
