I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
