I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
