i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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