YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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