His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
