OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
