he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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