We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
