She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
