It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
