Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
3 2 1 whiskey
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize