I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
