i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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