I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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