I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this boner is exhausting
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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