When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
