Me. At least after what I've been through.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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