Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
