i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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