My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
