I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
