Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I smell like Dick and happiness
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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