I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sext me about skeletons
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize