Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
