So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
nutella sex= disaster
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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