I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize