my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
