What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
