Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
