I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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