i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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