Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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