It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
