Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
