Sponge bath it is.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
