I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
