I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I pour the whiskey from now on
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
