What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
