apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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