Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
